A Catch-Up Post

... because there's so much going on.

I'll be back with some Birthday List Love soon, but there are so many things happening behind the scenes that I felt compelled to share a catch-up post. Something that's not curated and full of all that's unfolding.

It's a long one, but a rich one.

.:.

After what felt like being asleep for two years, 2016 feels like an awakening of sorts. I know that sounds corny, but it's what it feels like.

The side effect of waking up is that now I have enough wits about me to see and acknowledge what's not working in my life, and the places I want to shift: my physical health, my work, my social network, my art. These are all big things on which I am slowly - s l o w l y - taking action. Baby steps.

.:.

I didn't realize how deep I'd gone under these past few years and how small my world had become until now, as I find myself climbing out and expanding. It becomes apparent when anxiety creeps back in and I feel like I'm being sucked back to the dark side. When this happens, the prospect of going back sends a ripple of terror through me with an intensity that almost always catches me by surprise.

Luckily, the anxiety is less present than it was. Also, I'm able to recognize it early and do what I need to do to work through it as gracefully as I can. The degree of grace achieved varies depending on the day.

Graceful or not, I am grateful for the ability to move through and beyond. So very grateful.

.:.

After some soul-searching, consultation with my Higher Power and with a university Admissions office, I registered for a course offered this September called Introduction to New Media. It's the first step in a potential new line of university studies for me in Social Communication.

When I read the course descriptions on the university's program website, I get giddy. I'm starting with one course to test the waters, but I secretly already have my eye on a second one come January. We'll see how it unfolds.

.:.

I went to a party last week, by myself, all dressed up, not knowing if I would know anyone other than the hostess.

I hadn't done that in years. Saying YES to the opportunity became part of stretching my social comfort zone with the hopes of bringing it back to where it was several years ago and I. had. a blast.

I mingled the evening away, met new people, danced the rumba, then gently acknowledged when it was time for me to retreat back to my cocoon. The next day I was both exhausted AND flying high on my sense of connection and accomplishment. YAY me!

.:.

I'm testing out some larger print formats (11"x14") for some of my digital art. I really like those pieces and would like to see them out in the world. Ordering a few test prints is a good first step. I look forward to seeing the results.

Do you have any favourites you'd like to see in print format? If you do, let me know in the comments!

.:.

I'm re-learning how to be productive and get things done. My approach is much slower than it was before and frankly, this tests me. I am not always the most patient person, but I feel that letting things unfold rather than pushing is the way to go right now.

There is an ebb and flow to productivity, things will happen in due time. Things ARE happening.

Respecting my current productivity pace is key.

.:.

Well, that was an update and a half, wasn't it?

How are you doing today, dearest?

Drop me a line in the comments, I'd love to know.

I do still have one last list of goodies coming up as part of my 43rd Birthday List Love celebration and I look forward to sharing it with you. It's coming up soon so stay tuned m'kay?

Warm and happy wishes to you,

Steph

xo

A Different Kind of Tired (or, A Catch-Up Post)

I've been quiet here, but there's a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes.

There's my 9-5 job: a rush to a deadline that, for the past several weeks, has left me with very little energy to do anything other than order takeout and watch episode after episode of Edwardian Farm. PJ's on by 7PM on many a weeknight, weekend time preciously guarded for restoration.

There's learning: a Camera 101 workshop to learn how to use D.'s “big camera” followed by some camera play & practice, plus multiple books waiting for me at the library to help me figure out how to use this tool to create the types of images I want to create.

There's art: new art books from the bookstore, art books borrowed from the library, a painting started on the art table, quick portrait sketches from the cube – an attempt to rest my weary left brain during my lunch break at work. There's also an itch to see works by the masters, maybe at the National Gallery of Canada?

Sketches from the Cube, mechanical pencil on notepad paper, approx. 2 1/2" x 2 1/2"

There's reading: personal finance books, art books, Life's Big Questions books, light fiction and just-for-fun books. So. many. glorious books.

There's healing: moving through a bout of anxiety (thankfully short-lived!), a gentle expansion of my world outside of work and home, re-surfacing after what feels like a two-year sleep, a re-emergence of dreams & desires – some new, some picked up again after having been on hold for a while.

There's reflection: what do I want to do with my life? Yeah, that kind of reflection.

Last year, feeling exhausted, I had no interest whatsoever in any of this. This year, despite feeling drained and behind the eight ball, I do.

Tired and indifferent vs. tired and engaged, two very different kinds of tired.

Both require rest, but one of them feels much lighter to the soul.

I'll take that kind of tired in a heartbeat.

~~~

What about you? What have you been up to lately? Tell me.